Murphy's Photographic Laws

Discussion in 'Ethics and Philosophy' started by Robert Hall, Jun 14, 2005.

  1. Robert Hall

    Robert Hall Subscriber

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    Brought on by another thread: Murphy's Law

    Just in case we forget....

    T. Orland 's compendium of photographic truths
    Being a sampler of morals, axioms, and precepts to which EVERY PHOTOGRAPHER SHOULD EXPOSE THEMSELF

    The best scenic views are clearly designated by highway signs reading "No Stopping Anytime".

    Edward Steichen owned a three-legged dog, which he named "Tripod".

    The Post Office folds all parcels containing photographs.

    Camera straps never fail above soft surfaces.

    Lens caps and cable releases can become invisible at will.

    Dense negatives sink.

    Spotone bottles are designed to tip over when the cap is removed.

    Photographers fade faster than photographs.

    Financial success in photography is directly related to proper choice of
    subject matter. Falling airplanes, exploding volcanoes, and certain
    Presidential motorcades work best.

    No two light meters agree.

    A good photograph cannot be made in Fresno, CA.

    You will never, ever receive a N.E.A. grant.

    The work "Daguerreotype" cannot be spelled correctly.

    A new Hasselblad would take better pictures than your present camera.

    1/60 at f/8 is the correct exposure for all photographs.

    When your friends finally realize that you are a true artist, committed
    to making sensitive and meaningful images, they will ask you to
    photograph their wedding.

    Color slide viewing cures insomnia.

    On any tripod, only two legs work properly.

    Dust spot are attracted to sky areas.

    YES, PHOTOGRAPHERS DO IT IN THE DARK... but they have to stop every
    thirty seconds to agitate.

    Distant objects cannot be recorded with short exposures; light only
    travels 186 miles in 1/1000th second.

    There's nothing wrong with a 35mm that a 4x5 can't cure.

    Ansel Adams had 3 Secret Zones known only to him.

    When man creates a sharper lens, Nature will create a fuzzier object.

    Safelights aren't, available light isn't, but gadget bags are.

    Fast films compensate for slow photographers.

    You will always have 34 shots of ASA 1000 film left in your camera when
    you go to the beach on a sunny day, ASA 25 film to photograph a cave, and
    B/W film for the perfect rainbow.

    Owning more than one lens assures that you will always have the wrong
    lens on the camera for any given picture.

    Mounting a photograph is a misdemeanor in Arkansas.

    A light meter contains 26 fewer calories than an averaging meter.

    A butter knife is a useful tool for making adjustments that a camera
    store would charge $10 to make.

    A camera store will charge $75 to repair a camera that has been adjusted
    with a butter knife.

    Falling lenses are attracted to rocks.

    Sharper lenses won't help, realism is unrelated to Reality

    Expose for the secrets, develop for the surprises.

    And remember: Silver salts are sensitive to thoughts...
     
  2. blansky

    blansky Subscriber

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    Good stuff.

    Michael
     
  3. Loose Gravel

    Loose Gravel Member

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    Is this with permission?
     
  4. mark

    mark Member

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    "Owning more than one lens assures that you will always have the wrong
    lens on the camera for any given picture."

    The one that nails me every time.
     
  5. Rlibersky

    Rlibersky Subscriber

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    The exact spot for your tripod is within reach, if you are a bird.
     
  6. David Brown

    David Brown Subscriber

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    ... for free! :rolleyes:
     
  7. Jorge

    Jorge Inactive

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    Or.......

    No matter how many lenses you have, the one picture you KNOW is going to be a work of art requires the one lens you dont have.... :D
     
  8. KenS

    KenS Member

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    And there's nothing wrong with 4 x 5 that an 8 x10 (or larger) will not make heavier, slower and a Hell of a lot more expensive.

    Ken
     
  9. George Papantoniou

    George Papantoniou Member

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    I didn't know that... Really interesting. We adopted a stray dog that was hit by a car, had her leg amputated and called her Gitzo... She also has one eye damaged in a fight (probably) and one ear slit (so she has three of them). She is the ultimate odd dog (3 legs, 15 toes, 1 eye, 3 ears, 1 tail, 1 tongue etc etc). I don't think that there is something she owns in even numbers... Her 2 nostrils maybe...
     
  10. Andy K

    Andy K Member

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    "You will always have 34 shots of ASA 1000 film left in your camera when
    you go to the beach on a sunny day, ASA 25 film to photograph a cave, and
    B/W film for the perfect rainbow."


    Yup. And if you rewind the film and change it, you will forget you did and wind up with half a roll of double exposures next time you use it...


    ... and the day you recieve a new camera will be dull, heavily overcast and raining... :sad:
     
  11. Roger Krueger

    Roger Krueger Member

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    A paraphrase of something I saw on photo.net:

    Once you've completely blacked out your bathroom to develop infrared, and have the film cannister open, not only will you drop it, but it will land in the cat box.
     
  12. FrankB

    FrankB Member

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    Dip-and-dunk is a felony...
     
  13. jjstafford

    jjstafford Inactive

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    Law #12: If you rebottle Rodinal concentrate and love Guinness beer, you WILL eventually make a terrible mistake.
     
  14. benjiboy

    benjiboy Subscriber

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    Thanks everyone,
    I have just nearly done myself an injury laughing at your posts, I realy enjoy Apug and the sense of humour of the members.
    Bentley
     
  15. Magnus W

    Magnus W Member

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    Schrödingers Film:

    You find a roll of film and you don't remember if it is exposed or unexposed.
    If you choose to develop it as it is; you will find it was unexposed. If you use it to take pictures; you will have a roll of double exposures.

    -- MW
     
  16. jovo

    jovo Membership Council Council

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    I thought this was going to be that joke about such a dog as yours named "Lucky".
     
  17. gr82bart

    gr82bart Subscriber

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    I hate using beer as developer....such a waste. :mad:

    Art.