perhaps this has been discussed ad nauseum but its been on my mind (inregards to photography) lately. a majority of my free time as of late has been spent doing photography.... .sometimes there isnt much free time, sometimes there is. But regardless, Im out shooting 4x5 film seeking new images and always looking at the world around me through that imaginary groundglass in my head. The time I spend shooting I dont think about anything else. Nothing. I dont stress about life, work, relationships, etc etc. Its a wonderful removal from the redundancy of "everyday life" but often times I find myself have thoughts of self doubt about my photography while Im not shooting. why am I doing it? what is my style? what is my ultimate goal? why do I work so many hours a day and then spend the majority of my free money and free time to build up what seems an endless binder full of pages and pages of negatives? that self doubt of purpose and meaning. I have one other passion in particular that is similiar, my passion at painting. It is inherently different from photography but has shared feelings and connections. They both feel as though they are almost a neccesary to me as breathing. that life (mine in particular) requires them to sustain itself. perhaps Im waxing philosophical. but I have these conflicting camps in my head at times that counter each other and seem to perpetually be in a state of negating each other depending on my mood. its a confusing delimma. this was particularly brought to the forefront given an experience last night. I was shooting with my Cambo on the San Marcos river. There I was standing over waist deep in the river aiming my camera at the cedar roots growing out of the river waiting for the right light (and for a small family to leave the frame) and a younger fellow (maybe 21) paddled over to me and asked what I was filming. I did the standard "its not a video camera Im taking pictures, yes its old, yes the negative is big yada yada" but he stayed there for quite a while and kept asking why I do it and spend so much money if Im not generating income or monetary profit from it. just wondering what others thoughts are on this.