What am I doing? What's the point? Where is all this going anyway? I print and I print and I print. Then shoot, then develop and then print some more. So I can have a huge pile of prints accumulating on the shelf in my darkroom. So I can get a couple seconds of hollow joy from the occasional nice image. Before joining the others in pile after that brief look - or maybe pinned to the darkroom wall if it has some small flaw that disqualifies it from the PORTFOLIO. Why am I doing all this again? Isn't there some point to this pursuit? Wasn't this once something that was fulfilling and gave me measure of joy in my life? Where'd that disappear off to? Oh, I know just what to do! I'll put them all out there! I'll get a website! I'll scan and scan and scan and scan until I can scan no more! The beauty, integrity and utter QUALITY of my work and my vision will surely be recognized by, if not the ART WORLD AT LARGE, than at least some quality gallery will notice and beat a path to my door. My photography will stand out and be noticed! Finally I'll get the recognition I so roundly deserve for all my hard work! Oh, sure I know that there are already 6.8E16 images out there of every conceivable subject of every conceivable medium and every conceivable format to "compete" with, but my pictures are different! They are made on FILM! (right, no the camera doesn't have the little color screen in the back) They are BLACK and WHITE images, made by HAND! In a REAL DARKROOM! MY photos are the REAL THING and that HAS to be worth something, right? ..."what to you mean I should get with the times and get a digital camera like everyone else?".. Well. To ME they are worth something then. Or used to be. I can no longer recall the reason I started doing this. I have been overcome with ennui and sense of hopelessness. Not only can I not come up with anything worth making a picture of, let alone taking the time to do the requisite work required to get it onto a piece of paper for all (I mean me) to see. There are no more Walker Evanses or Edward Westons or Richard Avedons anymore. I don't know why? There are lots of great photographers out there to aspire to, just no more famous ones. And the odds that I would ever be counted among them, well, I'll just stick to the Powerball dream, it's more likely! Not that I'd really want to be FAMOUS anyway, just maybe recognized. A little. Or not, I don't know. Note to reader: I'm not technically proficient enough to insert a .wav file with the little violin playing in the background of the text, so forgive me.... Maybe I just need a break. I have to force myself to go in the darkroom lately and then when I get there, I don't see anything worth doing. Does anyone else ever feel like this???