It is my nineth wedding anniversary in a week and I am struggling with what to do.

Here are my parameters
We have two kids that my wife will NOT leave with anyone
She is not a big fan of eating out (I have this tackled so no worries there)

This has been a real tough year for us, and especially her. Last year we opted to skip the anniversary because her father was very ill. He passed in November and we have been saddled with his business that neither of us wanted. there is a huge amount of stress she is under as the personal rep for the estate, and we are now living in her father's house.

I want to make this special but am running into no ideas.

help

g'day mark

from a sensitive male view i'd suggest that the things you mention are the things most important to your wife, so show her you care about and support her in these areas, home, family, commitment, it doesn't matter what you do or where you go, as long as you are in it together

Right... or you can shower her with jewels... :p

Kidding, that may not be the best option here. What is one of her daily tasks that really brings her down?? Get some hired help for a day, like a cleaning service to do a major clean out of the house?? (I'd love that!!)

Good luck!

It sounds like she needs a holiday. Maybe she would like to get away for a few days with friends if she knew you were at home looking after the kids.

I think Rick's got the right idea. Maybe a "spa day" with the girlfriends? Could be a bit fun for her and relaxing at the same time. Romantic dinners cooked by someone else, um you, might be an idea too. Are you a good cook? :) Oh, and everyone likes a bit of bling now and then....
Good luck and congrats!

Kathy

Sit her down with a glass of sparkling wine in a room with some scented candles burning, play her favourite music or put on her favourite movie..
Get the kids to bed (bribery is good here) then cook her a simple dinner and sit and join her and toast the fact that you made it through a tough year.. but you're still going strong..

I'll take that over diamonds any day! (Offer me a new lens however and I'm toast!)

You're a photographer... so how about a little personal family album... not huge. Something small and special. And for an added plus, a hand-written letter telling her what the past 9 years have meant to you. (OK, I know most of you guys would rather have your chest waxed, but I have a few such letters and they mean the world to me).

Don't forget the dinner and candles!

Will your wife leave the kids with you? If so, a spa day is an awesome gift. If not, maybe the masseuse can come to your house?

I LOVE Suzanne's idea of a cleaning service!

Mark, your note touched me beyond telling... Ted and I would have been celebrating our ninth anniversary in December, and, dealing with his estate now as I am, I have every sympathy/empathy with what your wife is going through.

A dramatic "escape" is not where it's at... the mind always tethers you to the things that have to be dealt with... and being away from home and kids (in our case, it was the pets) is only another source of stress for me... maybe for her too.

BUT... the best times we had were when we did some research on places and things we'd never visited, within 50 miles of the house, so that getting back was a sure thing and relaxing about that was possible. No matter how much of New Hampshire we'd seen, there was always someplace we hadn't yet been, and setting up a loose itinerary always gave us a plan that wasn't restrictive, but assured us of seeing and doing something new and interesting for the day. Discoveries turn into memories of shared time and experiences that last, and remain a great source of comfort in tough moments later on.

I don't know where you are, but if that's a possibility, that's what I'd encourage you to aim for, with the kids along. The message you've left us is the one that will come through to her -- that you had her needs and what would really speak to them in mind, rather than what's "supposed to be fun." Your sensitivity to that gets you big points on the Cosmic Husband-o-Meter already.

Hope this helps,
Amy


It is my nineth wedding anniversary in a week and I am struggling with what to do.

Here are my parameters
We have two kids that my wife will NOT leave with anyone
She is not a big fan of eating out (I have this tackled so no worries there)

This has been a real tough year for us, and especially her. Last year we opted to skip the anniversary because her father was very ill. He passed in November and we have been saddled with his business that neither of us wanted. there is a huge amount of stress she is under as the personal rep for the estate, and we are now living in her father's house.

I want to make this special but am running into no ideas.

help

I think Amy has hit it spot on... an Anniversary is a celebration of the two of you... You've got dinner covered, you say, and your kids must be very young for her to be so protective of them, so an early bedtime should be possible. After that... a little music, a little dancing around your place, a little letting her know that you would marry her all over again.;)
I like the idea of a cleaning service, but if things are tight money-wise, this just may not be the right time for it. But coupons, from you to her for things like a you-cooked meal, or you watching the kids for a day, or any other you-sponsored thing would be an ideal treat for her.

My nicest Valentine Day ever was when my husband and I were both working demanding jobs and had a four-month-old baby at home. He surprised me. He came home from work, drove to the store, bought lobsters, some flowers, cooked dinner while I got the baby to sleep, set the table, lit the candles, served the meal, and cleaned up. The point wasn't even the meal, which was delicious. It was that he thought it up, and that he did it all for me.

Of course, this is a guy who doesn't pick his dirty clothes off the floor, so keep that in mind. :) You might have set the bar a bit higher. But that's okay; the principle's the same. Spend the time together, do something that shows you care, and in your case keep it at home so the kids aren't a worry for her. If it's on a weekend, maybe a day trip to a zoo or a beach for some nice family time, then home for the romantic dinner after the kids are asleep. If you plan it all, and handle it all, it will be incredibly relaxing for her.

Happy anniversary!

-Laura

Thanks folks.

Definitely some food for thought.

Hi Mark,

Don't know if this sort of thing will work for your honey, but for Valentines Day one year I promised to serve my wife breakfast in bed every Sunday, and one Mothers Day I promised to cook every meal on the weekends. She's a stay at home Mom and really appreciates the break for those two days. These may not be the sort of things that'll mean much to your wife, so I'd recommend finding something simple yet meaningful to her, to be done for the rest of your life on a regular basis, and promised simply in a card you made and wrote yourself.

Good luck in your quest...you obviously love and care for her deeply.

Murray