My doctor, Lord love him, is a Chinese fellow - extremely thorough. Not really adept at American humor, he loves it when caught off guard with a wisecrack.
He made the mistake of asking "what I think wrong with me" and after a short hesitation I told him I had too much blood in my alcohol system. He laid his head down on the desk and laughed for about 2 minutes without a stop.
At that time, I hadn't had anything alcoholic to drink in over ten years.
By the way, Nicholas - I have and use regularly a little gadget that works in a manner similar to your instructions made by Sinar years ago - a bellows extension gage.