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  1. #131
    Thomas Bertilsson's Avatar
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    I think it has to do with how open we are to our spouses, and also about how responsible we are with other things.

    If you have an otherwise good relationship, can talk openly about anything, the bills are getting paid, and so on, then there is no reason to hide anything. My current partner and I have an agreement where we have completely separate finances. Every month we must pay exactly 50% of all shared bills and utilities, and if we can't make it it will be painfully noticeable. But if I took delivery of a lot of film that same month, or packages arrived at the door step, then my excuse for not being able to pay my share of the bills isn't credible. That's almost a breach of trust, and is very bad for a relationship.
    On the other hand, if I take care of my 50% effortlessly and pay my share every month without any hiccups, then any package arriving is a lot less significant, and she will ask me out of curiosity what it is, and when I tell her and show her what they are, she usually becomes interested in what it is.

    So, I am convinced that if there are other things to hide, a big display of cameras worth lots of money becomes a bit of an insult to our partners, but if the relationship is open in discussion, honest, and with all necessities taken care of, then it's something we should encourage in one another. It's all about empathy. If finances are not an issue and you still feel like you need to hide your cameras, something else is broken in the realm of respect and wishing each other happy lives.
    "Often moments come looking for us". - Robert Frank

    "Make good art!" - Neil Gaiman

    "...the heart and mind are the true lens of the camera". - Yousuf Karsh

  2. #132

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    Cameras, or wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by Andrew K View Post
    I've got over 1000...she never notices when I add another one

  3. #133

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    Quote Originally Posted by sly View Post
    Sirius, it is seriously time for you to let go of your bitterness to your ex. You have been bitching about her for years on a PHOTOGRAPHY forum, and crowing about your trophy girl.
    I was a very bitter and angry woman for a while. One of the ways my current (14 years) sweetheart impressed me was by not dissing his ex. His example helped me let go of my anger. He won out over other contenders because he was a grown up.

    I also want to thank the guys who have objected to the my sogynistic remarks this thread has flushed out. I've been biting my tongue ever since it started.
    Maybe Sirius has good reason to be bitter.

    My ex was a selfish crazy angry mean violent bitchy hateful controlling nagging ice-cold spiteful liar to everyone. I and our son just happen to be near her more than anyone else. In our entire fifteen year marriage she constantly demanded apologies from me every single day from God knows what little things... it was a control issue. She didn't apologize to me but one time in the entire nineteen years I knew her and that was after we divorced. She was the same with our small child who lived with me after the divorce. Whoever controls the universe had pity on me and our young son and gave me the perfect excuse to divorce her. Still bitter after fifteen years of freedom? Yes. Happy to be rid of her? Yes... Oh good God YESSS!! Now that I'm alone I have the freedom to do whatever I can and whenever I like. I'm a boring man with very simple tastes and decent moral character. However, I'm not the quiet meek sort I was when I was first married. That's the one thing my ex gave me... plenty of pinned-up anger to not put up with any BS from anyone. Am I lonely? Sometimes, yes. Would I rather be in an abusive relationship? No. So... I can be bitter if I so choose and so can Sirius.

    >>> OP: If your wife is the opposite of who mine then you'd better care for and respect her. Don't betray her trust because it will never be fully regained. Don't lie, cheat, be selfish or unkind. And thank God every day for her being with you. Think before you act. Resist impulsive behavior. What good is a shiny Hassy if you have to sell it to pay the electric bill or repair the car? Your family needs spare cash up-front in case of a financial dry spell or emergency. That's just the way it is. We can control our own actions and only influence others' actions. We can't control others' actions. If your family can truly afford, without a single doubt, for you to buy that Hassy then discuss if with your wife. If your family can't, without a single doubt, afford for you to buy the Hassy then the answer is obvious. If you choose to lie about it then maybe you should be thinking about your relationship and reevaluating who you are, who she is, and who you want your child to become. We all learn from our parents' actions.
    Last edited by Old-N-Feeble; 12-07-2012 at 11:52 AM. Click to view previous post history.

  4. #134
    Sirius Glass's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sly View Post
    Sirius, it is seriously time for you to let go of your bitterness to your ex. You have been bitching about her for years on a PHOTOGRAPHY forum, and crowing about your trophy girl.
    I was a very bitter and angry woman for a while. One of the ways my current (14 years) sweetheart impressed me was by not dissing his ex. His example helped me let go of my anger. He won out over other contenders because he was a grown up.

    I also want to thank the guys who have objected to the mysogynistic remarks this thread has flushed out. I've been biting my tongue ever since it started.
    Now, in retrospect, even my ex agrees that I am better off. In fact the ex really likes my girlfriend and often tells our daughters how happy she is that I found her.

    By the way, I find it fascinating that the is no word in Engish for the counter point of "mysogynistic" even though such attitudes and remarks exist.




    An aside, have you ever heard of Henny "Take my wife—please." Youngman http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henny_Youngman or "Lonesome George" Goble http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Gobel who talked about "Spooky Old Alice"?


    Note that this thread does have a light joking tone to it. Let's keep it that way. And no men aren't always wrong.
    Last edited by Sirius Glass; 12-07-2012 at 12:24 PM. Click to view previous post history.
    Warning!! Handling a Hasselblad can be harmful to your financial well being!

    Nothing beats a great piece of glass!

    I leave the digital work for the urologists and proctologists.

  5. #135
    sly
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    Quote Originally Posted by Old-N-Feeble View Post
    Maybe Sirius has good reason to be bitter.
    I'm sure he does, as do you. I had ample reason to froth at the mouth about my ex. I'm not going to go into them. I'll just say I returned to my passion for photography after the break-up of my dysfunctional relationship. One of the many reasons it was a very good thing for me.

    Unlike Sirius, you don't bring it up your ex every time there is a thread here in which folks mention their relationship difficulties.

    "Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past." Gina Berriault

  6. #136

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sirius Glass View Post
    By the way, I find it fascinating that the is no word in Engish for the counter point of "mysogynistic" even though such attitudes and remarks exist.
    Facinating... I hadn't thought about that one, but you are correct!

    How about "reverse mysogeny"? I hate that just as much as I hate the term "reverse discrimination". To me it is all "discrimination" whether white against 'people of color', or 'people of color' against white, or white against white, or 'poeple of colr against people of color, or men against women, or women against men, or Americans against Brits...

  7. #137
    Dinesh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sirius Glass View Post
    By the way, I find it fascinating that the is no word in Engish for the counter point of "mysogynistic" even though such attitudes and remarks exist.

    Misandrist
    Kick his ass, Sea Bass!

  8. #138
    Sirius Glass's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dinesh View Post
    Misandrist
    Warning!! Handling a Hasselblad can be harmful to your financial well being!

    Nothing beats a great piece of glass!

    I leave the digital work for the urologists and proctologists.

  9. #139
    Thomas Bertilsson's Avatar
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    Reminds me of 'Girl with the Dragon Tattoo'. Directly translated from Swedish the title of the book/movie is 'Men Who Hate Women'.
    "Often moments come looking for us". - Robert Frank

    "Make good art!" - Neil Gaiman

    "...the heart and mind are the true lens of the camera". - Yousuf Karsh

  10. #140
    Ming Rider's Avatar
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    Do you hide your cameras from your wife?

    Quote Originally Posted by Old-N-Feeble View Post
    My ex was a selfish crazy angry mean violent bitchy hateful controlling nagging ice-cold spiteful liar to everyone. I and our son just happen to be near her more than anyone else. In our entire fifteen year marriage she constantly demanded apologies from me every single day from God knows what little things... it was a control issue. She didn't apologize to me but one time in the entire nineteen years I knew her and that was after we divorced. She was the same with our small child who lived with me after the divorce. Whoever controls the universe had pity on me and our young son and gave me the perfect excuse to divorce her. Still bitter after fifteen years of freedom? Yes. Happy to be rid of her? Yes... Oh good God YESSS!! Now that I'm alone I have the freedom to do whatever I can and whenever I like. I'm a boring man with very simple tastes and decent moral character. However, I'm not the quiet meek sort I was when I was first married. That's the one thing my ex gave me... plenty of pinned-up anger to not put up with any BS from anyone. Am I lonely? Sometimes, yes. Would I rather be in an abusive relationship? No. So... I can be bitter if I so choose and so can Sirius.
    I thought for one second you were talking about my ex.

    Things got so bad she would only let me out the house of an evening on a Monday and Friday (yes really). This changed after a while to a Tuesday and a Thursday because she didn't realise everyone else went out on a Friday to unwind etc . . .

    My cat (who I had before we met) was forced to live outside, even in winter.

    I was the only earner (well paid), yet was given pocket money and no access to the bank account.

    The final straw was being woken at 6:30am on a Sunday morning, having worked 7 day weeks for at least 2 months. I'll never forget the psychotic look in her eyes and I'll never forget the bucket of icy cold water hurled (with bucket) in my direction. My crime? I had put the frying pan in the top basket of the dishwasher instead of the bottom.

    The divorce was 12 years ago and whilst I'm over it, the mental scars never fully dissapear.

    Last I heard, she'd met a bloke called Keith. Apologies to any Keiths out there.
    "All I ask for is an M5 with a fast lens, a roll of HP5 and a street to shoot her by."

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