There's nothing to be gained in bringing the matter up with the parents or the daughter. Consider it a gift and drop it off at goodwill. While you''re there, you may likely find something similar for $20.
Originally Posted by danfogel
Hi, again. I would not automatically assume this.... young teens are very clever at hiding their mistakes. Also, unless taught otherwise, many of them will try their best to protect their interest before anyone else's. (ie. not get yelled at and lose their own money) Taking responsibility is a trait that must to be taught, not born with. That's why I said it could be a teaching moment.
I live in front of a wonderful family. One of them (a kid) busted my window by mistake. That night, both parents brought him over to me to apologize, not just "sorry" but really apologize for his mistake. AND, parents made sure the kid paid for it out of his allowance. I'm quite impressed with this family. The child is now a fine young adult.
Having said that, it's a $100 loss. The choice is entirely yours.
Develop, stop, fix.... wait.... where's my film?
Sort of like lending money to a family member; you gotta be mentally prepared that it's return is uncertain; the world is not perfect.
I'll be the voice of discontent, since most advice here, thus far, is to forget it and move on.
If a friend of mine had loaned my daughter a camera and she broke it and then returned it without a word, I'd like to know. As a parent. Something is wrong here. It could be simple ignorance (the damage occurred but wasn't noticed) but it could also be that the child didn't know that it's expected to be returned in the same condition it was loaned in. She may assume this is normal wear and tear. It's sad, but true, how little regard some people, kids or adult, have for material things.
This is an important moment in the child's life. Doing nothing may save your friendship with the family, but someone is getting away with something.
I've said my peace. As a parent, I'd want to know. I would literally be brought to tears if my daughter acted like this.
In life you only get one great dog, one great car, and one great woman. Pet the dog. Drive the car. Make love to the woman. Don't mix them up.
As a carpenter, many co-workers would ask to borrow my tools, always saying "i'll treat it as if it were my own". My reply was always, NO you will treat it like it's mine, and take care of it. I stopped loaning tools, they are too costly to keep replacing. I have a loaner 35mm camera, it's a POS but works just fine. After a short tutorial, the borrower skips on their merry way knowing how to use and care for it. If it were to be damaged, I wouldn't care, I have zero money invested in it, I found it while cleaning out a house I purchased. As for my kids borrowing my stuff, I buy them their own tools and cameras so they leave mine alone(except my youngest, she takes great care with my gear).
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I don't think you are doing anyone a favour by not bringing it up.
If I understand it correctly, your friends' daughter is about 15 years old. At that age, kids don't necessarily know how to handle the situation when something goes wrong. Talking about it will help them learn.
There is a decent chance that the damage was caused by someone else.
Tell everybody you don't want anything from them, but you would like to talk about it.
“Photography is a complex and fluid medium, and its many factors are not applied in simple sequence. Rather, the process may be likened to the art of the juggler in keeping many balls in the air at one time!”
Ansel Adams, from the introduction to The Negative - The New Ansel Adams Photography Series / Book 2
Did you set up any conditions to the loan before they accepted it, such as "I will loan this to you if you promise to return it in similar condition or pay X$ if its lost or busted". If you did not, then you should not set conditions now, its to late. If you find fault now, your second guessing, and its really your fault for not being up front with what you expected from them.
It hurts, accept this as a learning experience, and move on. Good Luck. JMHO
I'd bring it up. Is the lens alright though?
Their kid has zero respect for what was lent to her, most likely because she did no hard work to get it. But then again this is completely typical these days.
Stop worrying about grain, resolution, sharpness, and everything else that doesn't have a damn thing to do with substance.
It's just plain too late. The time was the moment it was put back in your hands. Bitter pill. Don't let it reflect too much on the parents though. A lot of parents teach manners and consideration and the schools un-teach it.
Sorry for your bad experience. I know the feeling, and it sucks. I lent a D70 with UV-pass and IR-cut filters, 100/2.8 Series E lens and a few other (expensive) accessories to a girl doing post-grad pollination biology studies, and who wanted to do UV photography of flowers. Without me knowing, she broke the camera, then her mom had it fixed but ended up spending much more to get it completely revamped to almost new condition. Then she did not want to give it back, and insisted that I sell it to her. I wanted the camera as a backup for my main UV/IR body, so I was reluctant to sell, but I had to concede or ruin a friendship. She did receive a slight admonishing, though!
Since then, I never lend something unless making the following very clear: Replacement value NEW is XX. If you break, dent, scratch or lose it, I expect you to pay that amount or buy a new one for me. You are responsible for your own insurance. I expect a replacement immediately (in the practical sense of the word, i.e. as soon as insurance pays out, the item can be ordered etc). I don't lend out items I can't live without until the replacement arrives.
I don't lend out anything with sentimental value.
Sometimes it makes sense to lend or to borrow. But one has to know to or from whom, and what the terms are. There are habitual bad borrowers, that don't bring your stuff back or repay loans until you nag, or repair your stuff they broke etc. Some of my best friends I won't lend anything to. Some people can be my friends, and at the same time have a problem with borrowing ethic. But they have their problem with their other friends, not me. I take good care of my own equipment, and better care of others'. I don't borrow something for a prolonged time, only for something specific or if I want to try out something I intend buying for myself. I don't borrow something that I cannot afford to replace immediately.
All the above said, sometimes one has too much stuff and giving away can be gratifying if the item goes to a good owner that will use it well. It is better to donate than lend such low value stuff. If one is blessed with means beyond need, then not being able to give away is a kind of pathology. I am not talking about equipment that represents a substantial investment, but the type of thing that is more hassle to sell than to just keep lying in a box on a shelf. Those of us who've been around long enough all have such things hidden somewhere. Problem is finding the right beneficiary.
EDIT: Wanted to add. If you cherish a friendship which the other party doesn't, it hardly meets the defining criteria of friendship. One doesn't have to put up with people who do not respect either yourself or your possessions as an extension of yourself.
Last edited by dorff; 07-30-2013 at 05:37 AM. Click to view previous post history.