Hey Keith, thanks for the generous offer!
Luckily MAC Group isn't too far away from here (Elmsford). I've dealt with them in the past (about 6 years ago) and they were really nice and rather speedy. If I don't find a simple DIY solution by the end of the weekend, I'll just make the trip over there and see what they can do.
In the meantime, if anyone has ideas... I'll be happy to hear them.