I've been thinking about this photography project I'm going to embark on for days. As projects go, it's incredibly personal. I haven't really done anything this serious before, but everything that has happened in the past few weeks leads me to believe that I'm on the right path.
First I suddenly get a bug up my arse to dig all my old camera equipment back out. I clean up the Mamiya C3, planning to use only that for a while, then decide to clean up my large format stuff, too. Clean up the lenses, fix the shutter on the Speed Graphic, source a new back (from Vaughn), get the reducing back for the Burke & James, and acquire much needed 4x5 film holders. Then I go looking for an enlarger. I come up empty until I call a camera store I'd never heard of on a whim. A customer has an enlarger for me that can do the largest film I have. And then, to top it all off, I score an Epson V750 on Ebay for a song two nights ago. No more stitching things together if I need to scan a negative for any reason. It's overkill since the only reason I'd scan film right now is because I'm too impatient to wait to show off a print, but I'm not going to complain.
All this is leading up to this project. This thing is not really something I want to do. I'm basically going to put to film the issues I have with my body and my mind from the last, oh, twenty years or so. It'll be a photographic journey through bullying, body image, and mental health. Basically, I'll be chronicling the things that made me who I am today.
The hardest part, I think, will be taking photos of myself. I'm always *behind* the camera. I don't really do photos *of* me. I have none in my house. I have no plans to have them in the traditional 'family portrait' sense as of right now. I'm ashamed of various aspects of myself and I want these images to reflect and maybe shed a different light on the things that I despise about myself. In order to do that, it has to be me in the photos. It's harder than I thought it would be.
Anyway, has anyone else gone down a less-than-comfortable path with photography? Can you point me to examples of photographers that have done things like this in the past?
I'm going to go lug the Tiltall downstairs with the Burke & James on it to see if the lens I have right now will work with the shot I have in mind in the first place.