Hmm blindness and skin cancer doesn't sound fun either lol so far the options are:

Light house effect
Blindness
Skin cancer
Death

lol I think I will go with that Phillps face tanner, I can't see many going that cheap though, might just get a brand new one at around 50, seems to have 4x15W bulbs in an A4 size which sounds about right for what I want, I could create a small wooden frame to basically rest it on so that it points downwards evenly or indeed just mount whatever I am contact printing on the wall lol