Delayed gratification is killing me...
When I sent out my latest roll of colour on Monday for processing, the feeling of "these could be great, my best yet" was particularly strong. Then the snow came and I panicked about the possibility of lost mail, wondering if the universe was having its way with me. Anyway, the negs arrived this morning, a day earlier than usual and low and behold, they were terrible, strange, "what the HELL was I thinking?" bad.
The anticipation is always intense when I send off my colour work and during the week long wait, I begin editing the unseen images in my head, thinking about books, exhibitions, changing the world. You can imagine the downer then when I actually see them and they aren't anything like I imagined. This rollercoaster of emotions is becoming a little too much, perhaps even having an affect on my mental health. I haven't made a single picture I've been happy with for over a year and I can't stop beating myself up about it. Has anyone else had such a long span of fruitless results? I'm incredibly hard on myself with photography, but it's getting a bit silly. I've forgotten how to just enjoy it, it's like my life depends on every image I make.
Am I losing my mind?