Oh no, we have to get you (and keep you) totally smashed while telling you lies about 'drop bears' and pouring Fosters beer down your throat (apparently!)

Given that I'll be the lass sitting off to the side downing copious amounts of coffee and not eating anything which once had a face, you're probably safe in my company....

Well, I'll keep you from doing anything too undignified (if you prefer) and you'll have a designated driver, at any rate