You could use a .410 shotgun. Just attach the lensboard to a piece of wood and stand a few inches away from it when you fire the gun. Hole too small? Back up and try again. Hole too large? Get some duct tape and chewing gum to plug up the holes. Good luck.
Or the OP could send his lensboard to me.
The next time the aliens come visit, I'll have them cut a hole with their equivalent of a Swiss-Army knife, which includes a small plasma torch.