It's a lifestyle choice made many years ago in an airport bathroom after a long flight. As Ken was washing up he was treated to the hideous spectacle of a businessman sitting in one of the public stalls, taking care of business while he was taking care of business. The fellow literally closed a business deal over his cell phone with his pants down around his ankles.
You will never know how fervently Ken wanted to step into the adjoining stall and flush one of those very loud toilets. God would have then worked His business magic in mysterious ways for sure.
Ken vowed right then and there that he would NEVER subject himself to the indignities of being chained to one of those damned things. And decades later, he still hasn't.
Because of that decision, Ken has successfully evolved into the full and complete human being that God intended for him to become, and not some weak-at-the-knees whiner who can't decide which foot to place in front of the other without consulting a 3-inch screen every 5 seconds. And God forbid that whiner tries to lay his hands on some Wrigleys at the same time...
(Holy cow. Ken's on a roll tonight. Did he just write all of that? Yikes. Here comes the tar and pitchfork mobs. Better log off before he finds himself checking out birdfeeders up close from the wrong end of a rope.)