I also understand your confusion about the whole curves graph situation, I just don't think in linear terms like that, it's not that I can't understand how things work it's just that those kinds of representations don't help me mentally, I like physical three-dimensional type thought processes. I would prefer to imagine the way that a developer attaches itself to the molecule of silver etc. and then dissolves it or whatever happens within the actual structure, those kinds of mental images help me a lot more, I'm not really good at then converting that to a two-dimensional graph type information, i've never been able to really grasp that stuff.
Everyone's mind works differently, I'm certainly not schizo, however as I said before I'm slightly one of those borderline genius level people (as in IQ of 139... 1 point away dammit!) who can't always function as others do hah!
I also understand my brain and my path enough to know when there's too much overload of information. It's just like anything you need to build your knowledge base, and if there's an area of photography that I don't quite understand that I feel I need to know before I know another area, I sort of will not really be able to absorb the secondary information until I fully understood the first information and it's sort of more about picking and choosing I suppose in my brain the relevant (at the time) information that I can absorb.
Until I can fully "see" the difference between high key tones and highlights in mid tones and blacks and shadows and fully completely understand the visual of what that looks like I can't port that information into a graph and hope to be able to make it relevant to my visual understand. Does that sort of make sense?
Anyway, I totally agree that I should be printing optically, and I have all the stuff the only thing I don't have is probably some paper and some developer, but I have everything else that I could ever need to develop and print properly ... Except the darkroom space... And yes I could in theory going to my bathroom at night try to shut off all lights of block out the windows, do a contact print, and hope to expose it and developing properly, but for me going to the process of doing something like that and not really coming out with a quality product is it really useful, to me that's a waste of time because I wouldn't really be able to perfect anything, and by the time that I actually got to setting up a real dark room and printing again for real, to print something nice that was actually usable, I would have forgotten basically everything that I learned in my bathroom anyway and so I just don't want to waste the time, when I have so many other things going on in my life.
Did you appreciate all your input of course everyone, just kind of trying to get some perspective of how I function.