1) Neanderman...I like that name...I pilfered it and bestowed the name Neanderboy upon a kid at my daughter's bus stop...not to his face, of course!

2) Now I too have a helicoid dilemma, a lazy one-touch zoom that can't hold it's own weight in any position other than horizontal.

I don't know how far one can get into a 35mm zoom to address loose zoom; I guess that's technically not helicoid, probably, since it slides and the focus rotates. I hoped it needed silicone damping grease or the like.