When I was a kid (ie about 30 years ago!) my mum had REALLY bad dried out hands from washing nappies and other baby stuff (alkaline again... now there is an ALTERNATIVE process!) The stuff that fixed 'em right up was called "Lotil". I distinctly remember because she tried everything, and once she found this stuff she would totally swear by it - recommended it to everyone. I just had a check and its still around - a bit pricey at $20 a jar, but good stuff.
I'm fortunate enough to be the noisey one in our relationship. However once in a while the other half will start rattling. My current approach is to pinch her nose for a few seconds until she stops - doesn't wake her up, and usually sorts it out. However I suspect my problems are minor league...