*update* for those interested..
The issue might be resolved. The host has narrowed our problem to one of two things.
A bug with cpanel software (cpanel is the front end control system for the server). This bug was driving up cpu load and causing crashes on several servers. The cpanel company acknowledged the bugs 5 days ago and released a fix today which was applied to our server. I did run a few utilities after this fix was applied that would have crashed us a few days ago but today they ran without issue. That is either a fluke or a good sign we may be getting somewhere.
There may be an issue with our motherboard having problems with 4gigs of memory installed. If we have another crash this is most likely the problem.
So the current plan is:
-monitor things now that cpanel has been patched, if we stay up more than 4 days we should be ok.
-if we crash again remove 2 gigs of memory from the server in order to stabilize it, then schedule a motherboard replacement within a few days time
-if for some reason the motherboard replacement fails we will move to another new server
-failing that we would investigate alternative hosting options but I doubt it will come to this. For one I hope it does not come to that because our operating costs will then more than double..