I have the same issue. For years I've been using a small sling style messenger bags where I add my own padding or use padding pirated from my domke backpack. I recently have tried a laptop bag (Ogio) and a domke f803. The laptop bag is too big and ill formed to carry my stuff, the domke is about the right size but a bit narrower than I'd like and will only accommodate a minimum setup.
I've looked a the crumplers, but the ones I like require the bucket insert. The normal bags are just Ok, the messenger bags using the insert are great and if I get one bag and 3 inserts i can manage most of my needs. The problem with the crumplers is that what they lack in camera bag appearance they make up for in trendiness -- its hard to be an inconspicuous grump when sporting a trendy bag. If I get the crumpler bag that will accommodate three different kits (one bag 3 insert buckets) the bag will be larger than I need for my most common kit. As it is I'll use the Domke and keep my eyes peeled for ideas found in threads like this and stuff posted on ebay.